Archive | Mamalogues

Things to Remember When You Try To Find Mr. Right

There was a time of my life where I thought that Mr. Right is gonna be around the corner. I’m pretty, educated etc…who would not want me for me, right? Well, I have learned along a few corner stones to say the least, that nobody is perfect, at all. There is no such thing as Mr. Right, Mr. Kind, Mr. God-follower, Mr. Rich, Mr. Educated, Mr. Calm, Mr. Funny, Mr. Cool, Mr. I love to dance, and other Misters combined all in one person without any cons (even if they are tiny).

Please don’t get me wrong, there ARE those wonderful guys out there that definitely  possess most of these traits or whichever traits are in your wish-book. However, I have learned that being realistic is good skill to practice here. After all, we are all not perfect and despite the current physical beauty all that will fade someday and what will matter is a person who honors and loves you for you and your spirit.

Yes, you should love yourself and yes you should have expectations and by no means, you should not drop your dignity or your definite YES’s to give in on your dream. But you should nonetheless understand, that all men are human. Thus, if you found the right guy and he has one or a few live-able annoyances about him–he is a keeper.

Good men are: hard to find, not perfect, have faults, have dreams. and might come with kids. Yes, because life happens to all of us.

You must be: realistic, understanding, strong, loving yourself and others, and never EVER let anyone, including yourself, violate your self worth.

You are worth that Mr. Right and he will come around. Keep your standards hight, realistically 🙂

 

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Vitamin D. Are you D-ficient?

Why Vitamin D is Important For our Body

Fоr уеаrѕ we hаvе bееn tоld tо gеt аdеԛuаtе аmоunts оf vitаminѕ. Wе аtе lots оf dаirу, еggѕ, сhееѕе, аnd drank full glаѕѕеѕ оf milk fоr саlсium аnd Vitamin D. We indulged in rеd mеаt fоr рrоtеin, and thеn аddеd ѕоmе fruitѕ аnd vеgеtаblеѕ tо оbtаin оur C’s аnd B’s. Hоwеvеr, within the past decade, wе hаvе bеgun tо dоubt thе оld wiѕdоm. We became more food-savvy, more organic-y, less meat-y, and less dependent on general rules. Or so we think… Wе аrе drinking muсh lеѕѕ milk (rерlасing it often with hemp, soy, coconut or almond variations), аnd wе are uѕing more sunscreens and possibly eating less meat.

Prоblеm iѕ, rеѕеаrсhеrѕ hаvе bееn finding grеаtеr аnd grеаtеr dеfiсiеnсiеѕ оf vitаmin D among younger Amеriсаn аdultѕ. Psychiatry Research journal of the Oregon State University found that low levels of vitamin D contribute to the depression levels in young women. It hаѕ bееn also ѕuggеѕtеd thаt a vast rеduсtiоn in vitamin D levels mау be attributed to people ѕреnding mоrе timе indооrѕ, аvоiding dirесt ѕunlight, аnd uѕing tоо muсh sunscreen. The most natural way to get the vitamin D is through exposure to the sun. The cancer scares, dangers of UV rays and many other health reasons have all contributed to us getting less sun, and therefore, less of D.

Additionally dangerously low levels of this vitamin can increase risks for: osteoporosis, heart disease, several types of cancers, tuberculosis, multiple sclerosis and others, according to the Harvard’s School of Public Health

What is the recommended intake for vitamin D?

Depending on where you live, a daily intake can be anywhere between 600 I.U. to 2000 I.U. For example, in Miami a person can receive at least 1000 I.U. under 10 min in the sun, while a person on the East coast will need an hour to get the same amounts…a person in living in Africa will not need to worry about the lack of vitamin D at all. Check here.

Are you Vitamin D- efficient?

Sуmрtоmѕ саn rаngе frоm ѕimрlе muscle раinѕ, lоw еnеrgу, fаtiguе, dерrеѕѕiоn, mооd ѕwingѕ and sleep рrоblеmѕ tо wеаk bоnеѕ, frасturеѕ аnd lоwеrеd immunitу.

If you are not living where the sun shines much and are vegan, for example, it is extremely had to get the right amounts of D via natural sources such as sun, let alone food. The majority of the vitamin D it comes from fatty fish, liver and meats, eggs etc. Even if you were not vegan, one still does not consume enough of nutrients above to sustain the levels needed. Both must rely additionally on combination of sun and liquid gel vitamins.

To prevent a deficiency one must get its blood levels tested frequently. This way one can avoid getting to dangerous levels and prevent a loss of what the body needs.

 

 

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Choose to be Kinder, Always

I noticed that often times we look at people and assume that if they smile it means that their lives are ok. We are inclined to automatically judge someone based on the way they spoke to us, the way they poured our coffee and served a plate at a restaurant. We tend to get angry fast and say things that satisfy our emotions at the moment of anger to give ourselves a relief, without thinking that maybe, just maybe it is not all as it seems.

I am at fault at this too and I try my best to avoid such fast conclusions just because someone isn’t being as bubbly as I expected them to be. I found that we are dissimilar in the way that we express emotions, such as happiness or pain, healing and grieving.

I remember coming across a random post on social media about a person I didn’t k know who recently lost a loved one…and then a month or two later I saw pictures of that very person who was supposed to be grieving (in my mind) at a beach vacationing in Cancun…The first thought that came to mind was “wow…that person is crazy”, maybe she didn’t care….and other verdicts along that line. But then, I thought…what if this is how this person is grieving? What if I judged too soon? What if I’m completely wrong about my perception here? And that is usually how things are—we tend to see situations and assume on auto pilot that a person is immoral or had “lost it” in accordance with our own understanding of the moral codes, the rights and the wrongs.

We really need to train our minds to think of people better and to give them the same benefit of a doubt as we would want for ourselves when we don’t do things right. I try to remember a very good quote: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”,–Ian Maclaren. With getting older and a bit wiser I grew to believe such statement to be true. At times, if you look close enough, behind a person’s smile, you are able to see the sadness in the eyes, the life scars and the dignity they are trying to hold on to. This is true, if we bother to care about others around us a bit more. So choose to be kinder, always…

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Why Me-Time Is Non-negotiable

Ever get a feeling of being tired from being tired? The constant flow information and action over and over again at work and brain is ready to explode? Then you get home and you have children and a spouse (i.e. the big child) and they want a piece of you too? Yes, it’s called a desperate Me-time need. These feelings of being overwhelmed come hard when the ME-time is way overdo.

No matter how exhausted we get we don’t forget about our responsibilities, be it financial ones, family, jobs, putting others’ needs before our own. The worst part is that the lack of Me-time as I like to call it, will add on in volumes of frustrations later, if over time you don’t get an opportunity of rest to be just you alone with you. The Me-time is the ultimate fragment in a day of being unaccompanied, whether reading a book or pondering about life during a nice park walk, or a good old run in the rain.

If you have children, the Me-time concept is almost non-existent. If you are a single parent it is plainly a luxury. However, the time with yourself is an absolute need because the brain must have the ability to rest and you have to have the ability to recoup, renew and regenerate. Period.

When the stresses of today come into tomorrow, remember to breathe deep and simply just try to find a way to make that time, even for half of an hour. Sometimes, even ten minutes of peace and quiet makes a huge difference in the layout of the rest of the evening.  A time with yourself will allow for clearer thoughts, a healthier you, and a more stable nervous system. Take care of your family, but don’t forget about you too because if you break, so will they. Start your Me-time today because tomorrow doesn’t wait!

 

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4 Toxic People To Eliminate From Your Life

“Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold,”–Leo Tolstoy.

Truly how many times have you found yourself disappointed in people around you? I am a firm believer that we build our own castle and within its walls it is our responsibility to live in peace. The gates of your castle should not be made out of stone for those who love and care for you, however, the same gates should become a firm shield from those who decided to make a mess out of a castle that you built.

I’m talking about certain types of people who are toxic by default, by design, by their own darn fault; who refuse to see good in anything, giving you the feeling that you should not be enjoying life in the first place. ELIMINATE THOSE and start breathing again…Here they are:

  • The Negative Nancy.

Whenever you start a new job, there will always be those who do not want you to succeed because they never have and never will. These folks will go out of their way to spoil your perception about the new place before you even generated one. “Oh yeah, this one had had a divorce over this job”, “This place sucks a lot”, “Don’t expect to get help” and so on. These are the Negative Nancy’s to avoid. If these are in your friend’s circle, these people will do the same–never will want to go anywhere and will always find a reason why you should not go either. Do yourself a favor–start your elimination list.

  • The Jealous Girlfriend.

Good Lord, these folks are special…if for once you are happy because something super good happened to you and you shared with all your friends, this jealous type will always try to downgrade your experience no matter the cost. You got a nice car? You got engaged? Got a new awesome job? –You will be hearing the “Oh please” and the “I don’t really like it this much for me but on you it looks nice”, “He is not this cute anyways” types of speeches. Who needs this when you’re trying to be happy? Eliminate.

  • The Drama Diva.

There was a time in my life where I thought I have to help everyone who is having problems, be the go-to person. In my thirties now I understand and realize that some of the problems these people were having are the same problems that have been created over time by the very people who complain about them but refuse to make any changes. So guess what? Do you have someone around you who is constantly and forever on drama mode? It is the always “OMG” and “Can you believe this shit?” talk? Always and forever a crazy adventure and they don’t know why it is happening to them? Time to get the Drama out of your realm. Eliminate.

  • The Fakes & the Flakes.

These folks are the first ones to call you up to go drinking with but are the last ones to ever help you get a safe ride home or get you when you need them. The people who tell you they will be there for you at a certain time and then never show up, don’t answer their “read” text messages, come up with excuses ALL the time…Sounds familiar? You end up feeling stupid thinking something is wrong with you and in reality these folks are just Flakes. Eliminate.

The Fakes are the ones that say things behind your back and smile to your face pretending they are your friends. Eliminate. This one here is truly old school. While there are folks who might be good in nature inside and use the fake personality as a defense mechanism in the beginning, there are also those who are fake period for this is who they are. These people are dangerous because they are borderline psychopaths, the only difference is they don’t kill you physically; they murder you emotionally, manipulating your reality with zero remorse, so ELIMINATE.

There are many other personalities to avoid. It is easier said than done, but nevertheless, it is important to point those people out and configure yourself to have them around less and less if you cannot eliminate fully. You live only once. Surround yourself with folks who cry when you cry and laugh when you laugh, the people who comfort you in pain and applaud your glory.

Those people who are truly happy for you when you are successful are the very people who are in full content with themselves or just truly madly love you. Cherish them and give them the same in return.

 

As for the rest, start your list…

 

 

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Sea Urchin-My Butt! Literally!

It was a week of my sister’s destination wedding in the beautiful Hawaii. This was one of the reasons why you did not get a newsletter from me since the last week and a half. However, the real reason why I failed to appear here is because I got stung by many sea urchins…because I stepped on them…after I realized that I am not as good of a swimmer as I thought I was…AFTER I jumped off a cliff. Fabulous!

To make a very long story short, Anna (me) has decided that it would be rather brave of her to conquer her fear, i.e. doing something that is considered extreme, and in the spirit of several drinks, upbeat company, trying to impress the sister and foolish confidence, she decided to proceed with the route.

I jumped off a Black rock cliff (Maui). Don’t know some sources state it’s about 15 feet, others say it’s at least 10 meters (which is 30 feet long) depending on where you stand. Go figure. To ME it looked like it was all freakin’ hundred! Remember the part where I thought I was an OK swimmer? Well, total FAIL there because when I jumped my heart already almost stopped because I couldn’t believe I did it, and then I realized that hey, the actual swim to shore is not that short, so…I panicked, and swam towards the side rocks, which were all covered in sea urchins top to literally bottom! Coupled with a “nice” strong current, the waves had beat me off the rocks three times so I managed to fall on my derrière and my feet into a sea urchin bliss!

sea urchins on the rocks (wish this was the name of a drink instead…)))

Have YOU EVER been stung by something as vicious as the darn sea urchin? The pain is at most excruciating and at least…there is NO least!! It’s as bad as it gets! Frankly, I’d rather give birth again! These things will inject you with venomous spikes (or spines as it’s actually called) that are like barb wires. They go in easy but they do NOT come out the same way…so when you try to get them out you are getting them out (if you’re lucky) with your flesh. Ta-da!  Needless to say, lesson learned…no cliff jumping for my behind until I become a superb swimmer period; lesson number two–do not EVER go towards the side rocks at least not in that area…EVER!

So…a week and a half later, I still can’t run (it’s KILLING ME to say the least) and I am limping like a zombie from The Walking Dead. It’s really a “blast!” Click here and you can see a really cool video by other people on YouTube who jumped off so you’ll get an idea what I did.

And THIS is what my lovely foot looked like right after the stings. Sorry won’t show you my butt lol, but it was just as “pretty”. The black things–those are the spines/needles. They are that deep inside. Painful. Very.

just stung by sea urchins

just stung by sea urchins

 

Other than that we had a fantastic time in Hawaii and enjoyed beautiful sceneries of the magnificent sunsets, warm ocean water and a paradise feel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Four Things Men Should Stop Doing During Her Time Of The Month

Dear Men,

We love you very much. Nonetheless, for whatever reason, a week before her period starts, you dears, manage to spontaneously spark up conversations about forgotten issues, point out why you’re dissatisfied with her mother, or plainly get on her nerves and dig yourselves into a “happy” hole.

I often think this…I tell my husband i.e. I warn him in the lines of “…baby, the FLIP MODE is coming” …and yet, after repeating myself over five times he, WITHOUT A FAIL, will find something to talk about that will irritate me to pieces! After years of marriage, I came to the conclusion simply that men DO have selective listening coupled with an “I-don’t-want-to-hear-you-right-now-at-all” syndrome if the NFL is on especially. Hence I came up with the four things that men should stop doing during this time of the month.

1. The week before the period STOP bringing up issues.

I don’t know how else to explain this but about a week before is when your beautiful dearly beloved wife or girlfriend starts to slowly turn into a monster from the Predator movie. She will see you moving in the dark and smell you from the distance.  I mean seriously, WHY would you, after living with her at least for over a six-month period, put yourself at risk of being eaten alive? Can’t you just wait and talk about irritating stuff AFTER this time goes away? It simply never fails–I always see my husband start with–school issues, i.e. where to send our daughter to, which sport for her to engage in (always an argument, I want soccer he wants tennis), where are his soccer shoes (how the hell do I know???) and why he will not eat the leftover dinner on this night in particular.

2. Do not dig yourself into a hole—do the happy dance instead.

If you had already been guilty of similar scenarios listed above and have started digging your hole then stop. If you don’t, sooner or later the woman will snap and turn into a vampire who will suck your blood and you will wish that you just left those conversations for when she is done with her “transformation”. Hence, save yourself and be cool. Laugh more and make her happy as much as you can. It is best for both of you emotionally, and your behavior will reflect on her better thus strengthening your bond. Showing her understanding will only give you five star points and reassure her that you truly care.

3. Don’t be mean and selfish during the actual time. 

While this is not your fault that we have to deal with nature, it IS your fault if you choose to add oil to the fire. Don’t forget that this time for us is unpleasant as well. We bleed for days, have headaches, stomachaches, migraines, terrible mood swings, feel bloated, feel unattractive, you name it–it is a crap storm of Emojis. To add to his all, it is painful. Some of us have it more severe than others and we have to succumb to medications to calm the pain. Hence, please, help us through by staying empathetic and helpful, rather than irritating and mean. This isn’t about you, so please don’t take things personal. Know that we try our best to not snap at you, and without your help, it is very hard to do.

4. Stay as far away from sarcasm—this is not the time.

Lastly, if you want to literally make it out alive then please hold off on your sarcastic jokes about her family especially. Due to the many side effects this time of the month has to offer we can easily go from 1 to 60 mph between love and hate. Sarcasm is a big no-no because things she might laugh at or find somewhat tolerable from you can be taken as a challenge or an attack now since emotions and hormones are playing Mozart’s Turkish March. Therefore, be kind, loving, non-sarcastic, and don’t bring up old arguments, issues that are not really issues, and her mother. You then will be spared and left with zero headache of your own and no drama.

Hopefully this will be somewhat helpful to you guys! Soon enough your loved one will turn back into a blooming rose once more and hide the thorns…until the next month :))).

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I No Longer…

“If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald

About ten years ago, I was still a “little girl” trying to please people in exchange for their likeness of me. I wanted to belong and feel accepted. I realized that now in my 30s I no longer feel the need to please every soul around me. Yes, I will not lie, I still enjoy being liked and loved, and nonetheless, I no longer feel the need to bend over backwards for other peoples’ expectations of me. I know two truths: a) I am imperfect, and b) I am always working on self-improvement, and I want to be loved and respected. I no longer have time for waiting, understanding and accepting bullshit. I have time for real friends, real people who care to be in my life because they want to, because they care enough to do so, because they love me for me with all the negatives that “me” comes with as well.

  •  I no longer…

Have to say that I disagree and put my two cents in at every social gathering. If I let it go it is because I have learned that not all battles must be won. Sometimes silence is golden, and sometimes, it is simply needed. It is a hard lesson to learn. Have you learned one?

  • I no longer…

Have to prove myself to all the persons in the crowds and have gazillion girlfriends. There are only segments of the crowd that matter and only a few people whose eyes I can see above everyone else’s. The 300 “friends” on Facebook don’t. Those who truly love me and care for me are there for a reason. I don’t need more or less. These are the select few and I’m ok with that.

  • I no longer…

Have the need to explain in details to so and so why I have not attended an event. I have a family. That is my priority and that’s enough explaining. There are those people whose events I can’t miss, and those who truly know my reasons for not coming will never frown up on me. Those are the people that matter. With age I’ve grown particularly picky whom I want to surround myself with and whom I can care less for. No, this isn’t being mean; this is being mature and beginning to finally realize that I have one life to live not many. Time is precious and limited. It is worth spending with the right people only. Are you with me?

  •  I no longer…

Feel the need to continue to invest into a friendship if I do not receive the same in return. I’m not speaking about hugs and kisses, or phone calls back. This is petty stuff. I’m talking about that person being there for me when I’m at the worst state possible. Friendship is like marriage. If the glass is half full there will never be a happy ending since the rest of the wine had already spilled over. I choose to invest in those who make me happy. No, true friends are not supposed to only tell you “truths” you want to hear. That’s not happiness. The true friends will make you happy by giving you the real deal and loving you thought the crap you already have.

  • I no longer…

Feel the need to forgive and accept people in my life that are not worthy of being in it. I simply refuse to bring poison back and have it around me. I believe that as a person, one can forgive someone in their heart but not invite them back to their present day. Forgiveness is difficult; and while one can overcome the hurt of the past, one cannot overcome the invasive memories, which come back involuntarily instantly and hit you over your head hard when you are faced with that person again. So I choose peace in my life through forgiving, by not seeing the person who brought me pain in the past. It is that simple. Do you feel me?

  •  I no longer…

Feel the need for vanity to fill that emotional void I used to have ten years ago with fake people. Telling myself “I don’t give a crap what others think” is truly nonsense and a lie. I don’t always have to take the floor. It doesn’t always have to be about me; but it is up to me to choose the world where I need to shine in and the people I want to shine for—and that is the difference now.

I am slowly but surely becoming to be in content with myself. I am who I am, I am loud, I love to be social and enjoy a company of great people. You can love yourself without being too prideful, and you can have some pride without being vain. There is a fine line there, and I believe that self-improvement is a form of loving yourself. Being content with who I am as a human, as a woman, is something that I strive to achieve as I continue to grow and make amends with myself.

  • I no longer…

Have time for emotional vampirism. I avoid and choose not to deal with people who are in trouble all the time, don’t take advices, never learn, and always blame others for their mistakes. These people used to suck me dry and I felt like I had nothing in return but a bad day, a headache, and a negative mood. Hence, today, I have learned to say no and give zero explanations to the “unpleased parties”. I am no longer available for you to suck life out of me. Period. My life, my time is best invested into those people who bring me happiness and joy, and those who do not use and abuse my friendship, my being or my mind. One can never please everyone, so why not please you by surrounding yourself with people who deserve your time and energy and get rid of garbage?

 We have one go-around at life. Make it with the people who love you for you.

 Have you done your “cleaning” yet?…

 

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Things Not To Do When a Loved One Gets Cancer

We all hate the C-word because we most likely know someone who has cancer by the time we are in our 30s. We never think it could be someone dear to us, until it happens, until you hear so and so has cancer. As of this January 2014 at least 14.5 million Americans have cancer and are alive today (cancer.org). This number is expected to rise within the next ten years.

What do you do when you find out that someone you love dearly has cancer? You can pray, understand and educate yourself on the particular cancer they were diagnosed with, stay calm and simply BE there for them. However, being there should NOT involve any of the following things when a loved one gets cancer:

  • Be too emotional.

Yes, when a loved one got diagnosed with cancer, you were in a state of a shock. You cried, threw things out of the window, chocked on a piece of bread, spilled coffee on yourself—wherever and however you found out about the news, like the birth of your child, it is a moment you will never forget. When my friend got the “news” I cried; you bet I did. Did I cry more when I found out it was stage 4? —You bet I did. Did I have to shove my emotions up my derriere when I saw that person and hugged her the same night—you BET I did! I HAD TO! When a person receives the news of a devastating disease the LAST thing they want is to be dealing with your emotional crap storm. It’s hard enough to get the grip with reality, so it is not their place or time to comfort you.

  • Be a pessimist.

When a loved one receives cancer news, NO MATTER the diagnosis or stage, you must and absolutely must quickly turn into an optimist with a realistic plan of what to do and where do we go from here. Back to emotions, if you are negative around a person who is already trying to fight for their life, you will only add damage and weaken his or her inner state of being and mind. Cancer is a serious thing and to fight it one must be surrounded by the people who are stronger than the disease in spirit period. Cancer means changing everything, for the better, for treatment, for cure. Leave the negative and doubtful thoughts, invite the positive because this is not about you—this is a selfless act for the person who needs that and needs it badly.

  •  Panic.

It is common practice among many cultures, including my own (Armenian/Jewish) to panic the minute you hear news on someone having cancer. People begin to say and think all kinds of crazy things that haven’t even happened yet, let alone make up stories that are not there to begin with. All of this mess happens out of panic, i.e. our inability to control our own emotional rollercoasters. Hence, if you are in a state of alarm, please, hit the snooze button, calm down and stay away from the person who has the diagnosis. Only when you are able to compose yourself and put a smile on your face you should then be allowed to see him or her, let alone speak.

  • Ask too many questions.

A person who received the news of having cancer does not need you and all of the gang of friends to ask the SAME questions over and over. It is tiring beyond belief to answer them and to serve a constant reminder of “I have cancer”. For a second please start thinking of that person, and not yourself. Reserve for one or two people maximum to gather all the news on diagnosis or changes, or stages, or metastasis to spread it to the rest of the concerned parties. This will help to alleviate the person with cancer answering them over again and will give their mind a place for positive healing thoughts.

  • Give a false sense of hope.

Listen, first of all you must believe that your loved one will fight it before you decide to preach that he or she will. Don’t give a person with cancer a false sense of hope. Yes, the survival rates for the lung cancer is…3 percent? (American Cancer Association). Ok, chances are, we are going to have 3 percent of chance to beat this and we will! This is the attitude, not “oh, the chances are so slim, how will we beat this, OMG I don’t know?”—You leave that talk to yourself and start believing that there IS a chance and that he or she will beat it! Keep remembering AGAIN, that he or she needs you and needs your support in this not doubt.

  • Bury them in your mind.

This one is very difficult to overcome because in the state of shock after the news, you immediately go and research the survival rates and for some cancers and they can be slim. The natural reaction is to think the worst. However, you must remember to NOT bury your loved ones while they are still alive. They need your strength more than anything right now—that is how they will feed off of you to gain theirs. Sometimes people are so subconsciously self-centered that they bury a loved one with a look in their eyes even…geezzz they are in front of you, ALIVE AND breathing still, so treat them in your mind as such and project that through your expression. Understand that the person who receives the cancer news does not need to be buried anywhere. They need positive vibes, positive talk, positive atmosphere to fight what they have and kick the C-word to the curb once and forever.

These are not easy emotions to fight with, and yet, it is a necessary skill if we want to help those who need us most, who we love and don’t’ want to loose. There are people who survived cancers in the worst stages and metastasis possible, and they wouldn’t achieve these results had they been surrounded by pity faces. No, a person who receives devastating news needs hope, faith, love, affection, help, understanding, rest, treatment and plan on how to beat this evil. If with every cancer case we bury our loved ones in our heads we would never have survivors, and the survival rates are growing. I hope with all my heart as so do you, that one beautiful day, cancer, will be a word of the past, for all of us…

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7 Things You Said Never To Before You Had a Toddler

Before I had a child I used to say that he or she will NEVER EVER EVER be allowed to: climb on furniture, eat everywhere in the house other than the dinner table, stomp the foot on the ground (i.e. show me the attitude), eat candy, have anything non-organic and red meat, watch cartoons too much, and touch ANYTHING of technology that starts with an “i”.

Yeah… I hear ya…that list needs to be updated huh? I know, especially if or when the grandparents left their unaffiliated, and yet a very loud mark on the habits your little one develops by the time it hits the terrible, oh the sooooooo terrible threes.

Tis the season to be jolly…so shall we start? You might have a different list, but these are my 7 things I said never to before I had a toddler.

  1. The NEVER-climbing furniture denial.


    Suggestion ONE–do NOT invest in nice furniture unless you are DONE and I mean DONE with children because…in a matter of a year it will look like you have used it for ages. It might be covered with stains of berries, chocolate or vomit, a regular occurrence in a day of life of a toddler-monster, or the “browns”…YES, THAT can happen as well, especially if you are potty training. Aside from this your toddler will climb everywhere, and couch is their best one-stop shop. Hence, get ready for it to be oily as well from food stains or you might discover that you have a Picasso in the making after your favorite arm chair gets murdered by Sharpie:) Black and fake leather will do great for a couch with a toddler. Easy to clean and can’t see the stains if there are any. If your poor soul wanted a white or cream couch I would say good-bye to it now and “until we meet again”.

  2. Eating everywhere? “NEVER ME!!”–Screamed the good old you.


    Trust me till this day I do not allow my three year old eat soup on the couch, but you know there are days where a child will not finish their meal unless they are out of that table and are at their favorite other spot. I know discipline is of importance, and as is equally important to not make this a habit, at least to me. However, these are the times where I choose to loose this battle just so she can finish the darn meal!!! Is it worth my nerves? -NO! Does it get to me? -YES, so I still practice in picking the battles, and so will you. It is ok to let it go like the song at select times only.

  3. Stomping the foot and showing attitude.


    I thought that we were bad kids? NO! I think that we were angels when we were two or three, or so I’d like to think that way. No way in hell will my child scream at me let alone stomp her little foot on the ground! Well, I came to find out that not only kids copy your words, but they also mimic you. So…if you if you’re a low-pitch talker (i.e. you have an international household comprising of, but not limited to the personas of: Eastern, Jewish and other rich mixtures of anything else that is over 4000 miles away from this continent) I suggest you come to peace with yourself and breathe. Once in a while a child might stomp the foot out of anger and scream because you did that too. Yes, the time-out is in order, but it is not uncommon. Get over your perfect child impressions in your head and start thinking what will happen at 16, LOL…or you change the way you act and so will the child. Expect the expected, instead of the unexpected. (PS: Still think about that 16…)

  4. Eating Candy.


    No, I’m not a monster, but I did not want my child to know candy existed till she was at least three. Thanks to grandparents’ existence, who will do anything to twerk your mood sideways and go against anything you tell them, my child had discovered that there isn’t just candy, there is Chocolate candy. Kill me now! As if our children are not fed with more sugary products than in any other country in the world? I was livid at my parents at first, who said that I was pretty much evil for not letting her try it. Really? OMG! Only later have I discovered, that in moderation, candy, could be a quite useful disciplinary tool, allowing me to gain control over cartoons, food and even sleep time! What kids will NOT do for it!

  5. Eating Non-organics and red meats.


    While I understand that this is really only my issue unless you are an organic freak too in terms of feeding your child, my parents came from a different generation and literally, it came to either you are feeding my child organic-only or you are not seeing this child over the weekend. Period. End of story. I won, technically… Yes, I did win and not surprisingly, I still find my mom at times giving her a non-organic peanut butter bar when my toddler magically ends up opening the junk food Holy Grail–grandma’s pantry. So no, I keep them in check as much as I can, but there will be times when it is out of your control if you chose to leave your kid with your mother because you wanted to go out with the hubby. Just saying. Also, if you are coming from an Armenian household like I did (don’t ask me where it is at, look it up, and it’s NOT Romania either lol), your mother will try to shove your child her traditional meat creations down the throat with ease. Sounds familiar? It is a cardinal sin to not eat it in accordance to my mother, so how dare I to not feed my child those delicious “katletas”–the hockey puck-looking meatballs. While I realize that I cannot control my mother when I’m not there, I still can control my child’s food intake in my home, so I just continue to practice the negotiation process with grandma, and that’s that. PS: We are still working on candy and ice cream.

  6. Watching cartoons too much.


    I think I forgot about a one to two hour limit per day time when my child turned into a terrible-two whiny cry-baby. I tell you there are days when it’s not even a mind over matter thing–you NEED that child to sit and watch the darn Dora so you can get your sanity back. I say DO you! Yes, it is not recommended and not good for children to be watching cartoons for too long, but you are the parent so regulate your times that fit you. Some think two hours are too long, but if for that particular day you must keep that child busy so you could breathe, do it. If you are sane, so will be the child in the long run.

  7. Anything tech that starts with an “i”.


    I know, the iPads save the lives of parents, literally! The minute you play Frozen while you are driving for forty minutes, everything literally becomes…frozen. Suddenly, there’s serenity, even in the face of the thousandth “Let it go”. You find your child silent, and even more silent when they are engaged in your device’s demolition while playing an intellectual game. I have one rule and I follow it to the tee, our child knows she cannot have the i-anything, be it the phones or the tablets, and play games longer than 20 minutes a day. Honestly, she might get it once or twice per week. However, I do know parents whose souls are dependent on those devices, so I feel you. I understand once again that you need your sanity. I said NEVER to this before until I was on an 8-hour flight overseas with my husband and our 2.5 year old. Had it not been for the iPad I have no idea how we would have manage, let alone survive through that flight, period.

So whatever you are saying now as you are planning to have a child or it’s already in your tummy, remember that most things will change and some things you will have to either forget or overlook or pretend it never happened :))) Enjoy the joy of parenthood and feel free to share your stories here! I would love to hear them!

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